Too independent .. ?

Lots of people said that I'm too independent for a girl. Well, it's not necessarily bad right? I guess since I was young, my parents told me to be brave and stand up on my own, beside growing up I didn't really have anyone to look up to or depend on. Though I have an older brother, but I could never depend on him .. so at a very young age, I've learned to be dependent on myself. I don't see it as a bad thing, 'cos I feel that I'm still in normal level. It actually gives me the courage that I didn't know I have.

I've never left home more that 3 days before and it was October 1997 when I left home for the first time and I was just 18 years old. I flew alone, took 8 hours flight not knowing what to expect. In a way, I was thankful for the "too independent", if I didn't have that, I'd never get to Australia. In fact, it'd never get me anywhere.

It was final year of high school that I saw a vision that I shouldn't stay here in Jakarta, instead I should explore. Initially my bro was suppose to study in Germany, but he chickened out. So I thought, this is my chance. I then asked my parents whether there was possibility for me to go. I wanted to go to the States - as I grew up watching lots of American shows, but it was too expensive, so at the end I settled with Australia - cheaper (not now though) and definitely closer to home.

It was probably the biggest and bravest decision I've ever made in my life - so far. Going to the country I only gone once - on tour with my family for short holiday, the country with the language that I hardly spoke nor understood. I only learned few weeks before I left though I learned in school, but it was totally different.

I never knew whether I could do it, but to me, you'll never know unless you try and see it for yourself. And I survived 5 years without once being homesick. In fact I love my life there, I truly lived the moments. I didn't wanna come back. For all those 5 years, my "too independent" paid off. I learned lots of things about life, learned how to make decision, made money for the first time (I felt good, specially when you got paid by the hour ;p), and learned that you can't always count of people for certain things 'cos if you kept waiting, you'll never move - which I totally can relate to it now.

I have lots of guy friends, one of them said I was so popular. Others said that I don't need guys 'cos I'm capable of doing basically everything. Well, not everything .. despite me being too independent, I do still need and want to be spoiled, loved and sometimes I want to be clingy with someone.

But honestly, when I was in relationship, I tend to put my guard down and suddenly I wasn't independent anymore 'cos I want that guy to do those things that I normally do myself, I wanted him to be needed, 'cos deep down inside I need him. But we started as a friend, so he knew that I could do all those things myself, so he never offered instead he just let me do anything I want.

Now, 10 years later .. I feel that my surroundings, the condition in Jakarta has limited me being "too independent". There are many things that I can't do by myself anymore.

But I still like to spend my times alone, it's good to go out alone, just to have conversation with yourself. I like watching movie alone - which apparently people look at me weird at first. I mean, come on when you're watching movie, you're watching movie. It's not like you need someone to talk to during the time. But eventually they understand, though some still thinks it doesn't make any sense.

So .. being too independent doesn't necessarily bad, I guess you just have see and adjust with the situation. There are times that you need to be one, but you also have to realize that we don't live in this world alone. At one point, you'll definitely need some helps about something, anything. I mean, you can't play tennis by yourself.

I guess we just have to be open minded with any possibility around us. But one thing for sure, being independent is good thing to measure and challenge yourself. So go out and have fun!!