I Still Call Australia HOME

I hope to come HOME soon ...

Life

If one asked me, what do you search in life? Simple answer would be happiness.

But define happy?!

Lots of money -- with all the assets, where you don't have to worry about anything?

Success -- own company, boss to yourself?

Family -- loving husband, wonderful kids?

Friendship?

Healthy, wealthy and wise?

Honestly, I have no idea ..

I'm still in searching what is my real purpose in life.

For the time being, I'm just gonna settle with

security - having money,

healthy

job that can keep me going,

make myself useful to anyone in need,

make my mom happy,

have fun and enjoy life,

being in love (still looking)

etc etc etc .. I'll let you know when I find out.

And I have to agree with Phil .. "I'm just looking for peace of mind and heart".

I guess .. as long that I can enjoy my life without any pressure, heavy problems or insecurity,

I consider myself lucky.

"Have fun! If you're not enjoying what you are doing, why are you working so hard, sacrificing so much and hurting yourself to attain success in it? You have to first have the passion for what you want to achieve" - WongFu on success

"Do what you love, love what you do, you'll be happy" -I can't remember who, but it kinda sticks-

Too independent .. ?

Lots of people said that I'm too independent for a girl. Well, it's not necessarily bad right? I guess since I was young, my parents told me to be brave and stand up on my own, beside growing up I didn't really have anyone to look up to or depend on. Though I have an older brother, but I could never depend on him .. so at a very young age, I've learned to be dependent on myself. I don't see it as a bad thing, 'cos I feel that I'm still in normal level. It actually gives me the courage that I didn't know I have.

I've never left home more that 3 days before and it was October 1997 when I left home for the first time and I was just 18 years old. I flew alone, took 8 hours flight not knowing what to expect. In a way, I was thankful for the "too independent", if I didn't have that, I'd never get to Australia. In fact, it'd never get me anywhere.

It was final year of high school that I saw a vision that I shouldn't stay here in Jakarta, instead I should explore. Initially my bro was suppose to study in Germany, but he chickened out. So I thought, this is my chance. I then asked my parents whether there was possibility for me to go. I wanted to go to the States - as I grew up watching lots of American shows, but it was too expensive, so at the end I settled with Australia - cheaper (not now though) and definitely closer to home.

It was probably the biggest and bravest decision I've ever made in my life - so far. Going to the country I only gone once - on tour with my family for short holiday, the country with the language that I hardly spoke nor understood. I only learned few weeks before I left though I learned in school, but it was totally different.

I never knew whether I could do it, but to me, you'll never know unless you try and see it for yourself. And I survived 5 years without once being homesick. In fact I love my life there, I truly lived the moments. I didn't wanna come back. For all those 5 years, my "too independent" paid off. I learned lots of things about life, learned how to make decision, made money for the first time (I felt good, specially when you got paid by the hour ;p), and learned that you can't always count of people for certain things 'cos if you kept waiting, you'll never move - which I totally can relate to it now.

I have lots of guy friends, one of them said I was so popular. Others said that I don't need guys 'cos I'm capable of doing basically everything. Well, not everything .. despite me being too independent, I do still need and want to be spoiled, loved and sometimes I want to be clingy with someone.

But honestly, when I was in relationship, I tend to put my guard down and suddenly I wasn't independent anymore 'cos I want that guy to do those things that I normally do myself, I wanted him to be needed, 'cos deep down inside I need him. But we started as a friend, so he knew that I could do all those things myself, so he never offered instead he just let me do anything I want.

Now, 10 years later .. I feel that my surroundings, the condition in Jakarta has limited me being "too independent". There are many things that I can't do by myself anymore.

But I still like to spend my times alone, it's good to go out alone, just to have conversation with yourself. I like watching movie alone - which apparently people look at me weird at first. I mean, come on when you're watching movie, you're watching movie. It's not like you need someone to talk to during the time. But eventually they understand, though some still thinks it doesn't make any sense.

So .. being too independent doesn't necessarily bad, I guess you just have see and adjust with the situation. There are times that you need to be one, but you also have to realize that we don't live in this world alone. At one point, you'll definitely need some helps about something, anything. I mean, you can't play tennis by yourself.

I guess we just have to be open minded with any possibility around us. But one thing for sure, being independent is good thing to measure and challenge yourself. So go out and have fun!!

Strangers, Again

This is one of the short films by Wong Fu Productions that touched my heart and I totally can relate to.

In life, we met people - start as a stranger, be friend, fall in love, share special moments, fight, break up and back to be a strangers, again. It happens to every human being .. it's natural. Some people after they break up, they can stay as friends, some become just acquaintances, but a lot of the time they prefer to become strangers .. though they may keep the fondest memories, they may remember those happy moments every now and then, but they prefer to be strangers 'cos that would be the easiest way.

Philip Wang delivered this simple story in life beautifully. Please do watch it and I'm sure you can somehow relate to it.

"Every relationship goes through stages. Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable."

Read here for some director's commentary on the project.

My fave quote of this project is when Marissa asked Josh what happen if they're not together anymore, and Josh wisely said

"I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we’ll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time and I’ll be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful, too. And I think that’s the best we can wish for."

And of course, Phil dedicated this video to his strangers in his life ... "this video is dedicated to those strangers in my life. To you, you, you and you. I still think back often on when our paths were one, and I'm thankful. And I hope where you are (some further than others) that you are thankful too."

Thanks Phil for sharing .. even though I don't know you and you don't know me, but good to know we have something in common. I'm thankful for my strangers too ..

Dream and Reality

Well, this is my another entry after couple of months, I just thought of sharing my random thoughts ..

My last relationship ended long time ago, when I was younger. I had my great moments with him, it was special. But, he has moved on, we have moved on and we have somehow become a strangers. There would be only 2 contacts each year between us, my birthday and his birthday. That would be the only 2 text messages we exchange every year.

Having said that, I haven't been in one ever since and since then .. sadly to say that I've been living in a dream mostly. Picturing this perfect guy, which none in this world apparently, but yet I'm happy living in that world, knowing that I would be loved and he would never hurt me, instead he'd do anything for me 'cos he loves me to the core. Well, probably that's the reason I'm still single until now .. not that I mind, but I do want to have someone who loves for real. But since the perfect guy is so clear in my head, I don't really allow myself to open up and accept anyone come near and destroy that dream.

I keep saying that "believe that dreams do come true" .. yes, I do believe that but we have to do something to make it happen, right? But in this case, if you keep dreaming about some perfect guy that you, yourself build, you'll never with anyone for the rest of your life. Here where you have to realize that reality is important.

How long will you live in your dream and not knowing that in the real world out there, there is actually someone who is meant for you, perfect for you but not as perfect as you want it to be.

Ok, I'm blabbing now ..

My point is, you may live and keep your dreams as long as you want - it's your decision. But you have to realize what you'll be missing out in the real world. But if you can balance between dream and reality, then hopefully you're a happy person. You're doing something to make your dreams come true, but at the same time you're dreaming about something and try everything to make it real. I guess you can say that is a perfect life .. though it depends on how you see it. But I'm sure you'll be happy then :D

I'm nowhere near that apparently. I used to have big dreams when I graduated uni, but then those dreams shattered as I had to come home - as I would rather to stay in Australia. But situation, condition and circumstances didn't allow me to fight for my dreams, or maybe I was simply to chicken to act on it, I don't know .. but the decision was made.

Now, 10 years later after I came home for good, I can't say that I accomplish something big in my life. I've been working in the same company for nearly 10 years, which has nothing to do with what I studied back in uni and I already feel that it's a dead end. I don't see myself grow there. I'm still single and have no asset. Nothing seems to change dramatically about my life, as a result of being living in dreams too deep and somehow afraid to make it real 'cos "the bigger you dream, the harder you fall" and I have dreamed BIG!!

Time to act Net .. if it's not now, when? You're not getting any younger, time to make a stand and make yourself proud. The world doesn't awaits you. No one will make decision for you, but yourself. Soo plan out and reach that happiness.

Living your dream and make it happen ...